My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.
The guy said sure.
So we decided to leave a nice little note
and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!
i get really offended when someone doesnt sit next to me but im also relieved they didnt sit next to me
this is the most accurate thing i’ve ever read
my friend who snorts cocaine won’t eat cookie dough because it’s bad for you
"i’m not ignoring you i just don’t know what to say to you" a film written, directed, produced by and starring me
I was arrested once for - I was in college and I was back home in Western Massachusetts, and um I had a novel - I think I was reading Watership Down, a novel, and um, it was around midnight and I was looking for a good place to sit and read my novel and I saw that there was a little flood light in the parking lot of the bank. And a fire escape that went up to the roof of the bank. And so I thought, ‘well you know, that’s a perfect good place to go read after hours.’ So I climbed up onto the roof of the bank, and uh, and was reading my novel and about half an hour later floodlights came from adjacent buildings and a helicopter came over cause apparently there was a bank robbery in process or so they thought. And that was kind of difficult to explain my way out of. Like ‘Oh, no no no, officer you don’t understand.’ Oh, I actually was on the ground, my face in the ground, and handcuffs on and ‘Oh, no no no, I was just reading my novel.’ which doesn’t make sense. Like why do you go up onto the roof of a bank to read a novel a midnight.
I didn’t realize the phones were talking into people!!!
Why do people never want to tell you their middle name like who gives a shit its not a nuclear launch code its your damn name
im allergic to penicillin
this is me every time i go to the doctor.
she forgets everytime.gotta love your nurses, people.
I think there’s a Facebook group that made t-shirts along the lines of “Be kind to nurses. They keep doctors from killing you.” My mom was a nurse for over 40 years.